Have you ever wondered, “What the hell am I doing here?” Like, not a purpose in life, but a general, “what the fuck am I doing,” thought?
I used to hate cats. I used to dream of marriage, kind of like Tony Nelson was dreaming of Jeannie. I used to never dye my hair because of the toxicity of the ingredients. I used to drive slow and and take the least of all risks possible. I refused to wear perfume and smile with my mouth open. For fucks sake; I used coconut oil as a toothpaste! I was a hippy, tree-hugging, GMO hating, goddess of the earth. (Although, I do still hate those GMO’s.) I was an avid recycle-er and I was planning a protest with some other activist at a garbage dump… (You can judge me, it’s fine.) Whenever people would litter out of the window of their car I would lecture them on the Earth and Her health. I would insist that this was not our Earth, but the Earth of our children, the future; the Earth of tomorrow. I never understood why people would roll up their window and avoid eye contact with me… I assumed they were feeling guilty. Now I’m wondering if they just thought I was bat-shit crazy. Maybe both. Ha.
Fast-forward from then and take a look at the last two years of my life. I have made some CRAZY mistakes. I’ve been broken, beat, tarnished, and whipped by life. I can honestly tell you that I don’t regret the past year at all.
In fact, I embrace everything I did in the past 1-2. It has made me a stronger person. It has helped me grow. It’s enhanced my desire to live. How could you RAGRET that?
Today, I love cats and I have 3 of them. I rarely dream of marriage. I dye my hair every 4 weeks, and no, in case you were wondering asshole, it’s not a vegan brand. I drive fast and take chances because one time, someone I thought I loved, told me to. He was right. It’s a better world when you do. However, it does fit inside of the criteria of being impulsive and possibly bi-polar. I’m not. Confirmed it yesterday with my psychiatrist. (By the way, can I just say how much I HATE the stigma around mental illnesses?) Normalize that shit! Talk about it. As you can see, I’m still an activist at heart. However, I would never rally at a dump. I still care about the Earth, but I don’t care enough to tie myself to the gates of the landfill. I still recycle, but I have started throwing away glass. Primarily because my garbage man is a douche canoe and I know it’s against his rules.
Also, I always smile with my mouth open because I don’t give a fuck what people think anymore and I still use coconut oil as mouthwash, but I switched back to regular toothpaste. Finally, I never really litter. However, beer cans are an entirely different story.
So what the fuck am I doing? I’m embracing myself. The new Whitney. The one that struggled to even see the top, much less sit there. The one that loves unconditionally, but is slowly beginning to take a stand. You call it bitchy, I call it confident, intelligent, and esteem. Eh, tomayto, tomahto.
Find yourselves ladies. ❤