I know if you are reading this, you are probably someone who’s been in a relationship that has sucked all the energy right out of you. In fact, you may be there right now.
You want pointers. You want advice. You are possibly desperate to make anything work. I get it. I know.
Stop. It shouldn’t be this much effort. Yep, that’s right. You shouldn’t have to coax yourself or someone else to love you. It should be natural. It shouldn’t be so hard. And maybe you do love each other but you aren’t in love with each other, because that happens too. That’s okay. It’s no ones fault. It’s nature. With time comes change and like Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “Change is imminent”.
Did you lose the spark? Yeah, because regardless of the fairy tales we read when we were younger, that does happen. You have to decide if you want to put the effort towards getting that spark back or not.
Let me tell you a thing or two.
If it’s there, it’s there. That spark, however lost it is, will always be visible. Do you find yourself hating the way your significant other talks, eats, snores, breathes, etc.? If so, get out now. It’s over. Once you start hating the things they do, their mannerisms per say, you aren’t going to get over it. It’s going to build and build. It’s going to eat away at you and you are going to become miserable.
How is that fair to either of you?
Take a look at what you are doing right now. Maybe you have financial ties to each other or maybe you have kids, or maybe you are just comfortable.
I hate to break it to you, but comfort-ability isn’t love.
Your children will eventually reflect what they’ve seen now in their own adult relationships. Someday, they too, may settle because one of the persons they loved the most did the same thing. And, quite honestly, the banks are the only ones benefiting from the combined credit of couples.
How is this fair to anyone?
Find some inner strength and figure out what is best for you. Apply a philosophical theory to your situation if you want. What promotes happiness? How do you want the world to treat you? Only you can help yourself.
But remember, what you choose for yourself today affects someone else eventually.
Maybe you don’t despise the things this person does or says, and that’s where there is hope. Focus on what used to make you guys connect. You don’t have to fly to Paris for a weekend or go on an extravagant couples retreat, just talk. Communicate everyday. Tell each-other about your day, talk about that super fun time you had when you went to the ball game in Chicago, mention that movie you’ve been wanting to see; the list could go on and on. Just talk. Smile. Laugh. That spark will make these things seem like second nature if it’s there and you simply talk.
Communication is key, without it, successful results are not probable.