Being Nice · Friendship · Relationships · Self-Recognition and Admiration · Sex

Whorish Tendencies

Okay. Here’s the deal. We have all had that one person, right? The words don’t accurately express the definition of the relationship in its entirety.

Obsession. Infatuation. Boredom compelled lust.

An uneducated and ill-versed individual would perhaps use the term “love”. However, the person who uses this term is a fucking idiot.

The point of this annoying-as-fuck blog post is to point out how ridiculous human beings are on emotional, sentimental levels.

We cling to a person who makes us feel good. We may use another person to “make us feel good” … know what I’m saying?
Let me break it down for you in the simplest way possible.
Being in a comfortable relationship and having sexual contentment are two entirely different issues.

It would stand that two issues could be in need of two very different individuals.

You could juggle a spouse and a side chick/dick.
But society tends to frown on this way of living… And hold the phone! Let me just rant about how fucking STUPID that is.

1.)  Having more than one partner is a sin. Oh, SHUT THE FUCK UP already. Bitch! You sin everyday. In fact, the list of reasons your make believe daddy in the sky is going to send you to hell, is always accruing time and reasons. Kind of like interest on a car loan. You only live once… I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to get laid. Fucking freak.

2.) But I don’t believe in God. I think it’s just morally wrong. You know what’s morally wrong? Your fucking face! If you understood the principles of ethics at all, you wouldn’t say things like, “OMG Janet, that is like, sooooo morally wrong.”
Let me tell you something. Remember that time you watched Magic Mike and your lady bits tingled a bit? Outside of your relationship! *gasp* You are fucking morally deranged, yo.

(Just because you don’t act on it, doesn’t mean it isn’t all over your Medulla Oblongata.)

3.) Why would you cheat? Why not just leave your Significant other? Listen Linda, have you not heard the words I’ve been saying? I’m fucking comfortable. However, “comfortable” doesn’t really take the edge off my horny, know what I’m saying?

4.) Well you sound like a whore. Ehhh… you say tomayto, I say tomahto. I’m sorry that you aren’t comfortable with your sexuality. I know when I’m 50 I’m gonna have no ragrats for all the flavors I’ve tried. Meanwhile, you’ve been sipping on the same cruelty free, BPA free, natural, all-organic bottle of coconut water since 2007. Get the fuck outta here.

Annnnnnd, let’s face it. If its all up in your Medulla Oblongata already, then you might as well act on it. Live it up a little.
Get yo freak on.

Since you’re still reading this so far… let me give you a little something…

PRO-TIP: Leave the obsession and infatuation in the dust. Fuel yourself on that lust compelled through boredom. In the end, it makes it easier to enjoy yourself.

Or just be a prudent pile of no fun like Linda over there… but, if you choose that route;
You can’t sit with us.

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Bunnies and Fertility

I was driving last night. As I crossed the viaduct, a bunny popped out of no where. I braked, but I heard the thump. My kindred soul couldn’t drive away without knowing, so I turned around to check.

This was the worst decision I could have made. The bunny was still alive and struggling to get off of the road. His death was imminent. My stomach churns as I write this. This one incident has wrecked my entire week and, unfortunately, has wrecked his entire life.

Now, coming from someone who feels like she has deep ties in the Pagan world, I associate bunnies with my own fertility and I have a great admiration for the goddess, Eostre. Yesterday was April 28th, which means we are right in the midst of the Earth’s Annual period of Rebirth. In my mind, having a bunny die by my fault in this particular period, is a bad omen.

Perhaps, I am overly worried and thinking about it entirely too much; but I can assure you, there is a good reason behind my overly cautious demeanor. I’ll tell you.
In the past 5 months, we have lost two, super precious, super loved babies. Our first one passed away from Bradycardia caused by a subchorionic hematoma. Our second, with a strong heartbeat, was lost to another subchorionic hematoma. Our latest lost was just a short 5 weeks ago.

When I drove back to check on the bunny, he was struggling, and I imagined that my babies and him had the same experience when they were facing their demise. I imagined, as my babies started losing oxygen and blood flow from the bleed, they would have been struggling to get as close to their placenta as they could to draw from it the necessities they needed to sustain life. In the bunny’s case, it was the edge of the road he must get to to sustain life. If only he could reach the hedge that had fed him merely hours before…

So, my anxiety sets in. I worry about the Karma of the world. Yes, a Buddhist theory, but not too far from Wiccan practices or Pagan beliefs. Does this mean my womb will never bring life to a beautiful, miniature, human again? What can I do to right the wrongness of my ways? Is there something I can give back? Is there balance to be had; the Ying and Yang of things?

Then I found some peace within myself. How else could I apologize to Mother Earth when I took a piece of her? It came to me in that instance; I could give a piece of me to Her. So tomorrow,  we will be planting a tree, and underneath that tree will go the last baby we lost. This tree will represent the lives that we love, the lives that we’ve lost, and it will honor the Earth’s Annual Period of Rebirth.

Our fertility is represented by the bunny, and the love within rebirth is held in the hands of the goddess Eostre. I can only hope that She accepts my gift and feels my remorse within the love I am giving Her back. I know, that Her and I think alike, because we are one, and we share a deep love for the precious souls that have left the season of Rebirth far before their time.

Friendship · Relationships

Lovers And Friends

Isn’t it strange how the human mind can filter emotion? Most people who know you think they know exactly who you are, but there is always that one thing you never let people in on. Even your most loved ones will never fully know the true you. They may think they do, but the don’t. Not completely, any ways.

We sit and we put our hearts and souls into our relationships. We try hard and then we get comments from our friends like, “well I really love my significant other” or “If you don’t love him, why aren’t you leaving him?”

They don’t see the ugly tears you shed on a daily basis. They don’t hear the silence you endure in the evenings. They don’t know how much you love and admire this person because you don’t open up about it. If you did open up, there would be an endless banter of how you can fix it followed up with the notoriously biased,  “but, seriously, why would you want to?

“He doesn’t support your hopes and dreams, so why would you stay with him?”
“You guys are terrible for each other”.
and then the dreaded….
“I can’t stand him”.

Good for you, friend. Let me tell you… I CAN stand him. In fact, I fucking love him. And being happy and feeling loved are two entirely different plays on the field of love. You didn’t love him through the worst and the best. You didn’t carry his babies, cry on his shoulder, or watch him drift away.
He didn’t cheat on you, and in return you didn’t cheat on him.
You didn’t work through what we have worked through so far, so why is there a need to be passive aggressive?

Friend, I love you unconditionally. As I do all my friends. Sure, you annoy me with the shitty decisions you make sometimes or the crappy remarks you make, and yep, I vent about you to my other friends; but at the end of the day, I still love you unconditionally.
I don’t like very many of your friends, and quite honestly, some of the people you love? Yeah, I can’t stand them. But I won’t say it, because I respect who you are and what you choose to do.

Want to cheat? I’ll be here to support whatever the outcome is.
You want to leave your boyfriend? I’ll stand next to you on the days you miss him the most.
I might say, “I told you so”, but I’ll wrap my love around you and make sure you are okay.

Finding someone who loves you unconditionally is a rarity. There are days I wonder if anyone does. So, I speak about my life in a flippant way. I may even say some borderline bad things, (let’s admit, there may be a good reason people side eye him, and if I didn’t side eye him a little too, there would be some judgement on my character as well), but deep down inside I love my person as much as you love your people.

I get a little crazy. I obsess over a favorite of mine, and I know, that looks insane. But, if I don’t focus on something… anything… I go crazy. My mind wanders and I’m the only person in a room full of people. I’m alone, desolate, and I have lost the foundation to my life.

Please know, that just because your friend seems happy all the time (and a little crazy too), there’s more going on and maybe it’s a front. A cover-up. A show. Maybe it is who she is? Do you even know her really?

I don’t think you do.
Do not pass go, and do not collect $200.

Matter fact, Game Over.
Insert 2 tokens to continue.

Being Nice · Relationships · Self-Recognition and Admiration

We Didn’t Realize That’s Who You Were

Here I am. Thinking this guy is like a well-rounded individual. He coaches Little League for fucks sake! He sports Under Armour and seems like a good dad. He owns like, 7 vehicles. But, then you see it. The crazy.
The abusive tendencies.
The alcohol consumption. Is it excessive? I don’t know. What I do know is that this guy that seemed like the community based dad of the fucking year, turns out to be crazily attached to one particular girl, while using other girls, and shitting in a bucket.

Yes, I said shitting in a bucket.

Underneath that Under Armour and behind those seven vehicles he owns, this guy lives in a garage and shits in a bucket.

I haven’t figured out how he showers yet. He seems like he would shower. He doesn’t seem like a scrub, but now I can’t not call him a scrub because he shits in a bucket. And that’s… Well, that’s just fucking wrong man.

A fucking bucket.

I guess I just can’t wrap my head around that. And, no, before you start getting all sanctimonious over your morals, ethics, and ideals… let me tell you that I’m not just throwing some poor bastard under the bus on an economic/financial level. He works a full time job. He’s a dad so I’m sure that might put a little dent in the ol’ checkbook, but he works full-time and no, it’s not a minimum wage job. You know where his favorite place to hang out is?  The bar. I bet the majority of his paychecks go there, when they could go to some fucking plumbing.

I’m sure you’re wondering why I am even wasting my time talking about this guy that shits in buckets, and I’m getting there.

This guy appears, key word appears, to be a nice guy. A good dad, a hard-worker, a generally respected member of the community, right? But he’s not all those things. I can’t vouch for what kind of father he is, and quite honestly, I do think he is  a hard-worker. What I can say, from my perspective, is that he is an alcoholic and a womanizer.

Now, I believe that alcoholism is an illness. Just like cancer and depression are. I can’t hold people at fault for being addicted to anything. I know it’s originally a conscience decision. Eventually, one drink, becomes 2, 2 become 3, and next thing you know those drinks become a nightly thing. I can’t guarantee it, but I would guess that there is always an underlying issue as to why the addiction begins in the first place.
Was he abused as a child? Is he depressed over a break-up? Was he hurt so deeply that the alcohol is the only thing that numbs the pain enough so he can function on a daily basis? So, this is me, being empathetic.

Okay, so here comes the part that encouraged me to blog about this guy. He’s obsessed with a girl, but fucks with the minds and hearts of other girls.


That’s what I want to scream at him! ^^^
Adding pain and suffering on top of your own pain and suffering isn’t going to make you feel better, so why do it?
More importantly, why do we let guys do it? Why do we take what they say with so much trust and belief? Is it because we want to believe that someone could love us and care about us the way it, ever so easily, rolls off their tongues?

I’ll tell you why we do it.

We search for the best in people. We want to help them. We want to find all of the nurturing qualities available to us and deflect them on to someone else in a helpful way. We want to love without limits and we want other people to feel good about it.
Love is a game; You are going to win some, you are going to lose some. That’s okay. What’s not okay is purposely hurting people, or unintentional bouncing two women around.

So, I say to you bucket-shitter;
I get it, maybe your feelings are hurt. Maybe you are confused… But that does not give you the right to make decisions that have a negative impact on people who care about you.

It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Uh, not in this situation.

It’s never worth loving someone who is going to bounce between you and another person. So, maybe this guy will grow up, but maybe he won’t. You never know. I think the first order of business should be focusing on obtaining proper plumbing.


Self-Recognition and Admiration

Who Are You Even?

Have you ever wondered, “What the hell am I doing here?” Like, not a purpose in life, but a general, “what the fuck am I doing,” thought?

I used to hate cats. I used to dream of marriage, kind of like Tony Nelson was dreaming of Jeannie. I used to never dye my hair because of the toxicity of the ingredients. I used to drive slow and and take the least of all risks possible. I refused to wear perfume and smile with my mouth open. For fucks sake; I used coconut oil as a toothpaste! I was a hippy, tree-hugging, GMO hating, goddess of the earth. (Although, I do still hate those GMO’s.) I was an avid recycle-er and I was planning a protest with some other activist at a garbage dump… (You can judge me, it’s fine.) Whenever people would litter out of the window of their car I would lecture them on the Earth and Her health. I would insist that this was not our Earth, but the Earth of our children, the future; the Earth of tomorrow. I never understood why people would roll up their window and avoid eye contact with me… I assumed they were feeling guilty. Now I’m wondering if they just thought I was bat-shit crazy. Maybe both. Ha.

Fast-forward from then and take a look at the last two years of my life. I have made some CRAZY mistakes. I’ve been broken, beat, tarnished, and whipped by life. I can honestly tell you that I don’t regret the past year at all.
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In fact, I embrace everything I did in the past 1-2. It has made me a stronger person. It has helped me grow. It’s enhanced my desire to live. How could you RAGRET that?
Today, I love cats and I have 3 of them. I rarely dream of marriage. I dye my hair every 4 weeks, and no, in case you were wondering asshole, it’s not a vegan brand. I drive fast and take chances because one time, someone I thought I loved, told me to. He was right. It’s a better world when you do. However, it does fit inside of the criteria of being impulsive and possibly bi-polar. I’m not. Confirmed it yesterday with my psychiatrist. (By the way, can I just say how much I HATE the stigma around mental illnesses?) Normalize that shit! Talk about it. As you can see, I’m still an activist at heart. However, I would never rally at a dump. I still care about the Earth, but I don’t care enough to tie myself to the gates of the landfill. I still recycle, but I have started throwing away glass. Primarily because my garbage man is a douche canoe and I know it’s against his rules.
Also, I always smile with my mouth open because I don’t give a fuck what people think anymore and I still use coconut oil as mouthwash, but I switched back to regular toothpaste. Finally, I never really litter. However, beer cans are an entirely different story.

So what the fuck am I doing? I’m embracing myself. The new Whitney. The one that struggled to even see the top, much less sit there. The one that loves unconditionally, but is slowly beginning to take a stand. You call it bitchy, I call it confident, intelligent, and esteem. Eh, tomayto, tomahto.

Find yourselves ladies. ❤


For You, The Person Trying To Make This Relationship Work


I know if you are reading this, you are probably someone who’s been in a relationship that has sucked all the energy right out of you. In fact, you may be there right now.
You want pointers. You want advice. You are possibly desperate to make anything work. I get it. I know.

Stop. It shouldn’t be this much effort. Yep, that’s right. You shouldn’t have to coax yourself or someone else to love you. It should be natural. It shouldn’t be so hard. And maybe you do love each other but you aren’t in love with each other, because that happens too. That’s okay. It’s no ones fault. It’s nature. With time comes change and like Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “Change is imminent”.

Did you lose the spark? Yeah, because regardless of the fairy tales we read when we were younger, that does happen.  You have to decide if you want to put the effort towards getting that spark back or not.
Let me tell you a thing or two.

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If it’s there, it’s there. That spark, however lost it is, will always be visible. Do you find yourself hating the way your significant other talks, eats, snores, breathes, etc.? If so, get out now. It’s over. Once you start hating the things they do, their mannerisms per say, you aren’t going to get over it. It’s going to build and build. It’s going to eat away at you and you are going to become miserable.

How is that fair to either of you?

Take a look at what you are doing right now. Maybe you have financial ties to each other or maybe you have kids, or maybe you are just comfortable.
I hate to break it to you, but comfort-ability isn’t love.
Your children will eventually reflect what they’ve seen now in their own adult relationships. Someday, they too, may settle because one of the persons they loved the most did the same thing. And, quite honestly, the banks are the only ones benefiting from the combined credit of couples.

How is this fair to anyone?

Find some inner strength and figure out what is best for you. Apply a philosophical theory to your situation if you want. What promotes happiness? How do you want the world to treat you? Only you can help yourself.

But remember, what you choose for yourself today affects someone else eventually.

Maybe you don’t despise the things this person does or says, and that’s where there is hope. Focus on what used to make you guys connect. You don’t have to fly to Paris for a weekend or go on an extravagant couples retreat, just talk. Communicate everyday. Tell each-other about your day, talk about that super fun time you had when you went to the ball game in Chicago, mention that movie you’ve been wanting to see; the list could go on and on. Just talk. Smile. Laugh. That spark will make these things seem like second nature if it’s there and you simply talk.

Communication is key, without it, successful results are not probable.

Mom Life

Midday Mayhem

You know. That place you are on a random Saturday. Somewhere between sleep deprived and hungry.

Pro-tip: No matter what, always shower. It makes the mombiism SO much easier. I mean, don’t get me wrong… It’s gonna be hard. You’re gonna wanna scream and cry and pull your hair out. (Kind of like right now.) At the end of the day though, you aren’t going to need shower. See? Light at the end of the tunnel.

Want to know what my little crotch-fruit did today? They got into my VS perfumes. Anyone who knows me, knows how obsessed I am with VS perfume. You know what the little haters did? Sprayed them everywhere. I now have Crush scented dirty laundry, Noir scented kitty litter boxes, and Noir Tease scented bunk beds. Cool. The upside is my house smells amazing. The downside is that I don’t. In fact, I didn’t take a shower today. The hellions are destroying my house, room by room, and quite honestly I haven’t had time to even go to the bathroom.

My 2 year old just passed out and I sent the 3 and 5 year old to their rooms to take a napsie. They are in there right now, playing with our newest kitten. Yes, we got another kitten. One kitten for each boy and all the kitties are boys. I am grossly outnumbered.

There are perks to being the only lady in the house. No, I’m kidding. There are literally none. Zero. Zilch.
Ruh-Roh. My 5 year old just came out, “I’m thirsty”, followed by my 3 year old mimicking his exact words. Well, guess what kids? Mama’s thirsty too.


This is it!

This is it! I’ve done it, I’ve taken the very first step in writing my own blog. I might annoy you, I might rant and rave about the crazy people that I love and the insane people I hate. I might cry to you, I might make you laugh. I might review books, make-up, and sex toys. I might talk about the gym membership I bought and never use! I might tell you that I’m trying this new Paleo thing this week, and then share a recipe for my favorite chocolate chip cookies the next. Are you wondering if this is for you yet? If you are, you probably aren’t in the right place. You either get it or you don’t. This is life though. This is true, real life. This is me, beautiful in my perfect imperfections. Take it or leave it, but maybe we could be friends, eh?